Hi friends. How have you been?
So, I have abstained from writing for sometime now because of its effect on my self esteem. I cannot categorically say if I am good at writing or if my writing skill is similar to my culinary skills.
Note: I am so terrible at cooking that for every time I visit the kitchen a tadpole is unable to grow into a toad. @
I realized that I’m in an abusive relationship with writing. I derive close to no satisfaction from writing. Okay, it is actually twisted. I enjoy writing while I’m at it, but once I’m done I become that kid who regrets masturbating immediately after reaching climax.
Another note: I am this kid.
Due to this I stopped writing. I thought I had been liberated from the suffering, but little did I know. For every time I come upon an article I cannot but put myself in the position of the writer. I skim through the article and I usually only come up with one question:
Why the hell am I not writing?
I have never derived pleasure from any of the things I’ve written. I tell my friends and they tell me it’s the same for every ‘creative’ person. I don’t know if I fit into that category. I mean, the only time I can consider myself creative is when I want to sleep. Or when I’m lazying around.
‘Creativity revolves around elaborate laziness’ — Haywenzo, 2016.
But the solution that I employed has not been working out for me. Staying away from writing even appears to lead to more suffering. I read an article all the darned time and it leaves me bitter and displeased with myself.
I’m tired of asking myself what the hell I’m doing with my life.
Although I know what I’ve been doing with it; wasting it.
So, I have decided to try again. Winners don’t quit, they say. I’ll be resuming writing. I’ll go back to being pathetic because it is said to be a writer’s prevalent nature.
‘To be a writer is to bask in misery’
I have decided to choose a life where satisfaction is to me what Santa is to a kid; a myth.
‘Dissatisfaction is the curse of creativity’
I’ll console myself with the fact that I can sit under the umbrella of the term ‘creative’
You’ll hear from me soon. Sit tight.