We Need The World To Realize That There is no Excuse For Rape (and Rapists)
I want to say I’m tired. But I know that this isn’t the time to be tired. If anything, this is the time to be proactive. The world is an unfair place to be in. It is even worse for women. This is not the first time I’m writing about the violence that women suffer in the hands of men. And it won’t be the last. Sometime last year I wrote about some men that raped a woman and even had the audacity to arrest her after they were accused. Since time immemorial, women have been subjected to gender-based violence. It’s sickening and heart-wrenching and one can only wonder if any of this is ever going to come to an end.
I honestly don’t know where to start from. For one, I belong to the gender that has continually perpetuated violence against women so what do I know about what women have had to face? But any one with a functional brain can see how much the world is against women. It’s like women have committed a universal offence that have seen them continue to be oppressed. Why? Why are men so evil and inhumane that they have refused to play their part in protecting the women (and children)? Every day, the media reports countless stories of women and children being raped, molested, and murdered. The images are disturbing but it cannot be compared to the victims who suffer the violence.
Don’t ever be one of those people who think you are not being affected for whatever fucking reason you have. If you are one of those people who still make excuses for rape or molestation, I’m here to tell you that you are an unfortunate idiot. This is no time to mince words or pander to anyone’s feelings. Women are being raped and murdered and all you want to talk about is how women should dress better or should avoid going out at night. You are one of the problems and I hope you rot in hell. From the stories we have seen and heard, nothing matters. A rapist will rape regardless of the factors involved. No excuse, I repeat, no excuse should be made for rape or rapists.
Firstly, there are so many things that society has normalized that need to be unlearned. Society has contributed massively to the rape culture and we all collectively need to dismantle the archaic mentality plaguing us. Men are not entitled to women’s bodies. Men are not animals that they have zero control over their urges. You have a duty as a person whether you are a parent or a brother or a leader to teach people around you that absolutely nothing justifies sexual harassment. Nobody deserves to be molested or raped simply because she is a woman.
Secondly, we need to hold people accountable. Don’t hesitate to call out anyone you know that has abused or molested women because they are your friends or family members. You have no reason to protect or defend them. If you do then you are a rape apologist and you are scummiest of scums. Rape is an unforgivable crime and rapists ought to be punished. There’s no such thing as it being a mistake or that the person has repented and wouldn’t do such again. No. Anyone who sexually harasses a woman should be called out and must face the consequences.
Thirdly, when a woman says no, she means no. Let it end there. Consent can be retrieved anytime. Because she came to see you in skimpy clothing doesn’t give you the right to her body. Because she kissed you doesn’t mean she wanted it. When she says no, she means no. Respect her decision and keep your hands to yourself. If she is too intoxicated to give consent then stay away from her. It’s troubling that men try to take advantage of women when they are in a drunken state. Your job should be to protect her in that vulnerable state instead of believing yourself to be ‘sharp’.
Lastly, and although I have many other points, stop blaming or judging the victims. This has so far been one of the biggest contributors to rape culture. Victims are too scared to tell anyone their horrible experiences for the fear that they’ll be blamed. So many women have been molested and raped by the men in their lives and they were unable to speak up because of judgment and stigmatization. Don’t ask the victims disgusting questions like “What were you wearing?” or “Why did you not shout?” when they finally summon courage to share what they have been through. The least you could do is offer a listening ear and a kind heart.
I apologize if I didn’t list out my points coherently. My mind is too muddled up by the different ongoing crises. And I know it’s worse for the women who have to live this reality. Also, I hope you don’t think sexual abuse is getting worse. It’s not. Technology has just made it easier for people to share their stories and more victims are being encouraged to come out to share stories. On social media, I have watched videos of men whipping out their cursed penises to sexually harass women in public places. Trust me, whatever women go through in the hands of men is unimaginable.
Please let me also mention, as another writer (Abidoye Adedeji) mentioned in his article, that this is not the time for you, as a man, to prove #Notallmen or that you are not like any of the men committing these abominable crimes. This is instead the time for you to throw your full support behind women and join them in the campaign and awareness. Your goodness has not saved any woman from getting molested but you can make an impact by supporting them in this battle against sexual abuse and gender-based violence.